


Awoken

by alphalester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Coma, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Hospitals, M/M, Memory Loss, Self Loathing, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-04 07:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11550627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphalester/pseuds/alphalester
Summary: Phil has been in a coma, he doesn't know how long for, nor does he know who these people surrounding his hospital bed are, one thing he knows for sure is that he is liking those strong arms that are wrapping around him.





	1. Chapter One: Safe

Chapter One: Safe

"Hey Phil, its uh... its me again" 

The voice was quiet, hesitating for a few moments before something shifted, causing the surface to alter beneath him. What felt like arms wrapping around him securely and something being buried into his neck. The warm and soft exhale of breath telling him it was someones face, but who was it? Phil tried to open his eyes but to no avail, each eye lid feeling as though it were carrying the weight of the world. He wanted so badly to open his eyes, see who was holding him and ask what the hell they thought they were doing. Nothing seemed to be working. 

"Phil.. I really need you to come back now, okay? I can't do this without you" the voice had a strong English accent, the perfect juxtaposition of harshness and softness as the pronounciation, the words sounded almost broken coming out of the gentleman's mouth. Who was he? What couldn't he do? Why did he need Phil? It made the man's head ache and throb; suddenly making him glad he didn't have his eyes open already. Until the atmosphere changed completely. 

What must have been a door opened, introducing a cool, unfamiliar breeze, the sound of footsteps shuffling towards him and the person holding him was now holding tighter. 

"How's he doing?" This voice was different, also soft but different to the first man's, he moved closer towards Phil, stroking his raven fringe off of his forehead without a second thought. "I brought you a coffee, Dan You gotta stay hydrated okay? He wouldn't be happy if you weren't looking after yourself". The brief smell of coffee wafted beneath Phil's nose, a bitter smell that ignited all of his taste buds prematurely as if he were about to taste it. He sighed happily, coffee sounded great right about now actually.. as soon as he could figure out how to open his eyes.

"D-did he just?" the voice referred to as 'Dan' spoke, the surface shifting once again. Phil tried desperately to open his eyes, a bright fluorescent white light shining through his now half-lidded eyes causing him to hiss as he eagerly closed them again. 

"PEEJ, HE'S WAKING UP"

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phil blinked rapidly as he looked up, things now coming slightly into focus. There was a window with blue, paper curtains to his right, the steady beat of the rain outside making him feel safe somehow. He looked around slowly, now taking in the few people in the room, two people in uniform which must be doctors of some variety and two others. So what Phil could make out was that he was definitely in hospital, there was no chance he would have such ugly decor in his apartment, that was for sure. The man in a blue uniform, who appeared to be a doctor, walked towards him, using a torch to shine in each of Phil's pupils. 

"Welcome back, Mr Lester"

Phil smiled, he didn't know where he had been, but one thing he knew was he was certainly glad to be back. The people at the end of the bed had tears in their eyes whilst they held onto each other, something tugging at his chest as he took in their appearances. He struggled to sit up, using all of the energy he could muster to try and sit up. Phil fell back, banging his head back on the pillow with some force. The two crying men rushing to Phil's side, trying to make him comfortable. The doctors left to order some tests which left the patient alone with the two.

"Phil buddy, we've missed you" PJ said with a shy smile, Phil looked between the two boys and admired them for a moment, they both had brown hair styled into curls. One with bright beautiful green eyes and the other with rich, luxurious brown and gold eyes which reminded phil of honey. "Dan's not left the hospital the entire time you've been here". Phil looked to the man with brown eyes and realised he was crying, silent tears which seemed to hold so much meaning. Longing for something that Phil couldn't be sure of. He didn't know either of these men but they seemed to know him. The patient reached out to hold Dan's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"T-thank you, Dan" Phil whispered, he felt very dizzy, he needed to rest. "We should leave you to get some rest now, I will convince Dan to go home and shower." PJ smiled, placing his hand on the raven haired boy's shoulder, quickly to be told "I'm not going anywhere". Phil shuffled in bed to make room for Dan, unsure why he felt the need to, he didn't know him after all. Maybe he would like to though. Dan flopped back onto the bed and left plenty of room between them. PJ said goodbye and Phil turned to face the boy in the bed. 

"You don't remember me, do you?" Dan said, you could almost hear his heartbreaking if that were a thing. Phil took a deep breath before shaking his head. "I'd .. I'd like to, though. Can you tell me anything?" This time, the brunette shook his head, "Doctor told us not to". Both boys fell asleep with heavy hearts.


	2. Chapter Two: Repetitivity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week has passed and Phil is trying to adjust to things.

One week has passed and to say Phil was fed up would be an understatement. He had quite a number of visitors but he didn't recognise about a third of them, although he was relived when his parents came to visit and recognised the man who had remained with him since he had woken up. Dan had only left for maybe an hour every other day, which was just to go shower and bring a change of clothes in for the patient and other things at his request. It was really odd to see how warmly his parents treated Dan, the doctors insisted that Phil worked out who the brunette and the others were on his own without being told. It was so frustrating, the entire week people were having to skirt around conversations and change things they were saying, promising to tell each other later. All except Phil's Family. Oh.. and Dan.

"Phil, I think you should get some rest now okay?" Dan whispered quietly, the last thing he wanted was for Phil to think he was bossing him about. Phil nodded, smiling to his mother and brother who were still standing beside the hospital bed. They nodded silently before taking it in turns to hug the raven haired man and say goodbye, before his attention turned to Dan and what he was twirling around his left ring finger. A silver band.. Dan stopped as soon as he noticed the man watching it, his breath hitching and turning around. Completely sliding it off of his finger before turning back with a sad smile, proceeding to hand it to Phil's mum who didn't even ask before taking it off him and giving her own sad smile. 

Once they had left, the brunette took a seat in the little arm chair beside the bed. He was cold and felt even further away from his friend than he had the entire week. Now that the ring was gone.. it was different some how. Phil could tell it was breaking the boy in the chair apart just from looking at him, he was withdrawn and paler than usual. It was a horrible contrast to the usually brighter boy that was in his place. "Dan, come here". Dan shuffled into the bed as the little spoon for the first time since they were in the hospital only a week ago. The patient had always been the little spoon as the brunette was certain that it was Phil who needed the comfort, but today was different. 

Dan snuggled closer to the man in the bed, his back pressed flush to the other man's front. Phil absentmindedly rubbing where the ring had previously been on his friend's hand, doing so made him feel guilty, almost like he had caused this break, maybe he had. "Dan.. i'm sorry about your relationship, I'm sorry he or she wasn't enough for you. You deserve the world".

"Actually, I wasn't enough for him"


	3. Chapter Three: Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So my last chapter sucked haha! Hopefully this one is better as i wasn't in the 'zone' when i wrote that one haha

Today was the day that Philip Lester was allowed to be discharged from hospital. 

It had been a very difficult debate on where Phil was to go, because of the temporary amnesia the doctors didn't want to trigger anything that would cause him anxiety. They had suggested he stay with his parents back in Rawtenstall but they had decided that it was too far away for it to do any good. They had also suggested he stay with his brother Martyn but that was a headache of its own. Instead, Dan had offered to go back to their flat, because apparently they lived together, and removed any items which might trigger him, setting up his 'bedroom' as a safe space of things he would recognise and love. 

Dan returned to the hospital about three hours later, eyes red raw which could only have been from tears unless he had been chopping about a million onions. Phil instantly brought him into his arms, drinking in his strong sent of Lynx shower gel as if it were oxygen. The raven haired man couldn't help but bite back a soft moan as a wave of something familiar washed over him. He looked down at the man in his arms and smiled a small, shy smile.

"Let's go home, Dan"

For a moment, Dan thought everything was normal.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Daniel unlocked the door, the man behind him gasped, this place they called home looked so fucking expensive! With its curved walls and high ceilings and multiple floors. Phil was speechless, with the amount of light that came in it was almost like how Phil had imagined Paradise.. Dan gave him a 'grand tour' and showed his friend each individual part of the duplex, all except Dan's bedroom. They decided to order in take-out as a treat for Phil, who ordered their usual pizza toppings as if he were saying his name. Dan gasped as Phil hadn't even needed to ask what he had wanted, he remembered some how. 

They played Mario Kart while they ate, Pizza on their coffee table in the middle with a pint glass.. or in Phil's case.. a vase of Ribena and a whole roll of kitchen paper in between them. After a while the pizza was gone and the men had now swapped Mario Kart for a movie. They had both gotten a blanket and Dan had migrated towards his roommate, now fully consuming all of his personal space as if it never existed before sharply pulling himself back to the other side of the sofa. Phil found himself whining at the loss, after spending so much time in the hospital smushed into the tiny bed with the tall boy pressed beside him. He felt so used to it even then, it felt like Dan always belonged within Phil's personal space. 

"Dan, why did you go all the way over there?" Phil found himself saying, "Come back and love me". Phil didn't even think about what he had said, _love me_ but it felt so natural. Dan just stared at him, tears starting to gather in his eyes. Phil opened his arms widely and Dan slotted into the space there. Burying his face in his roommates collar bone. "I never thought I'd hear you say that again" Dan was now sobbing a little as the man enveloped him with as much of his body as he could, arms and legs wrapping around the man to try and provide warmth. Phil must have said it in the past, maybe they were really close friends instead of just roommates. I mean, they must have been more than that considering how they longed to be touching. 

"I'm here though, Dan. I could have died but I'm here with you" 

That was all it took for the younger man to full-on breakdown in his arms. Clutching at any available space he could, clothing, skin just anything _Phil_ that he could get his hands on. He knew it was wrong, he knew this was the last thing his friend needed. His _friend_. That was what hurt him more, like a knife wound. They used to be so much more, now they had to start all over again. 

Phil lifted Daniel up, carrying him out of the room completely like a father would carry a sleeping child. They got down the stairs of the duplex apartment to Dan's bedroom, the two of them now standing outside the door. The brunette knew he couldn't let him inside, not with the shrine to Phil and what used to be their very serious and committed relationship all strewn around the room. He sighed. "G'night Phil" he said, moving to plant a small, tender kiss on his friend's cheek.. except Phil turned his head and took a step forward. 

Their lips were together oh so gently, a feather light touch that sent Dan's mind reeling, it was almost a question, Dan returned the kiss a little more forcefully than he figured was appropriate but this might be the last kiss he and Phil ever shared. It was beautiful, the way their lips slotted together just how they always had. The way Phil was moving his body closer too, hands winding their way around the taller boy. When they parted, they merely looked at eachother with tears in their eyes. Dan felt like that was a goodbye. He turned instantly and slammed the door behind him. Phil was not going to see him cry this time. 

_I don't think I can be alone tonight_ Phil thought, _I need to be with him_


	4. Chapter Four: Overwhelming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of 'the kiss'

Phil migrated to the kitchen for a moment, trying to get his head to focus on something other than the kiss he had just shared with his roommate. It didn't seem like the first time it had happened, the way their bodies migrated towards each other as if their bodies longed to be together. Maybe they were? Could two people be soulmates that naturally gravitated towards one-another? Phil physically ached from being away from Dan, which is something that was really difficult to explain. He needed to tell Dan that it didn't mean anything except he knew that was impossible because to him, it _did_ mean something. The lack of oxygen Phil had remaining in his lungs as he had been winded from the feeling of coming home that he got from that single kiss. The shear intensity and electricity behind it making the hair on his arms stand on end just at the memory. 

He got himself a cup of coffee, trying to devise a plan to get his friend and now, crush? closed to him again. He didn't get any of this at all. Why did Dan slam the door in his face? Was he not into guys? Did Phil overstep the mark? He sighed, not knowing what any of this meant and struggling to remember what happened before he got to hospital. The doctors told him not to focus on it and it would come back to him, which seemed like an incredibly shitty thing for the doctor to say if you asked him. Surely, figuring out how he got there would be better for his recovery because it meant there wouldn't be random holes in time where nothing made sense. Like, who was PJ and why was he almost as emotional as Dan about him waking up? Baffled, Phil decided it would just be easier to go to bed and try to forget it all for now. He could try to think again in the morning.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dan didn't know what to do. He wanted to lock himself in his bedroom with all of the memories of Phil, _his Phil_

from before the accident. Tracing his finders around the void that was now the space his ring had once been. He allowed himself to break down, looking around the room to various things he had to hide from the Phil he now shared an apartment with. He looked at the pictures he had to take down from some of the walls, of both men grinning and looking 'aesthetic' around the world while on tour or on holiday. The little knickknacks that had accumulated over the years of being together. The man couldn't take it, getting up from the bed and stumbling over to the photographs in their black and white frames and smashing them all over the floor, reaching out for anything he could grab and throwing it as far as he could away from himself. He fell onto his knees, head bowed as sobs wracked through his slender frame. He hated to admit it but he had truly been neglecting himself since the accident. It was his fault after all, if he was sat on the other side of the car this wouldn't have happened. Phil would have been safe and Dan would have been in the hospital bed. 

It was their wedding day, they were just on their way back to the flat to grab their suitcases to go on their honeymoon. They were so happy, elated even. Dan felt like it was all his fault that his husband couldn't remember him. Maybe he didn't want to? Maybe they would never be a couple ever again and their kiss would remind Phil that they obviously weren't meant to be. He just wanted to scream, so loudly until his voice couldn't sound anymore. This was _not_ how it was supposed to be. You date someone for about 8 years, then you get married and live happily ever after. None of this car crash and hospital nonsense. How was Phil supposed to work if he couldn't remember what he did? Would he ever remember the books they made? The stage shows they performed? The merchandise they created together? 

Dan immediately grabbed his phone, dialling PJ's number and was immediately grateful when the other boy answered on the third ring. "Dan, everything okay?". Moments later, Dan was slipping his shoes on, and scurrying out towards the door. Ignoring Phil's voice that was ricocheting off of the curved walls. He had to get to PJ's house immediately.


	5. Chapter Five: Live stream

Phil remembered watching as the front door of their apartment slam shut. He was at a loss. His heart was clenching with pain for the man who had left last night, this couldn't have been easy for him. Phil decided to go to his roommates bedroom to see what all the smashing noises were. He almost wished he didn't.

On the floor were so many belongings that were too colourful to be Dan's. Along with black and white photo frames which now had broken glass all over them. He carefully lifted them, one by one to reveal photos of himself and Dan looking so happy and comfortable, never with much space between them. As he looked through them, Phil found himself remembering where they had been taken and fun facts about the trip that he mentally kicked himself for forgetting. He looked around the room a little more, suddenly coming across their YouTube Play Button Awards for reaching so many subscribers. That's when it all hit him. There was evidence of his old self to watch and try to remind him of more of the things he now felt he was missing out of. 

Once he had collected his laptop from his own bedroom floor before returning to Dan's room, he typed out the password and logged into YouTube, checking his subscription box to find a new video from _'Daniel Howell'_ only a few days before Phil came home from hospital. He clicked it immediately to find a very tired looking Dan, the same one who had been visiting him at hospital. He watched in silence as he listened to the boy on the screen. "Hello internet, as you know AmazingPhil is still really ill, he's getting better though so that's really good. I feel really lost at home without him as you probably all know, there's nobody here to protect me from any intruders or anything" he chuckled softly. Before he knew it, the blue eyed man had watched the entirety of the six minute video. He watched so many more, only stopping to grab some food or go to the toilet. The more he watched, the more he realised how much he loved Daniel, the way his eyes shined and sparkled as he looked at Phil on their gaming channel videos, the way they were so flirty without even thinking about it. 

When he realised it was 19:00, a notification popped up from a channel called _kickthePJ_ who was apparently hosting a live stream. He absentmindedly clicked onto it to find PJ sitting with Dan and a few other people he didn't recognise at first. Dan looked so lost, like a small puppy who's owners had left without so much as a warning; it reminded Phil of how he too felt in that moment watching from a far. PJ had decided to do a Q &A with a few other YouTubers to make the most of them all being together. They all answered various questions before they started pouring in about Phil himself. 

"Phil is uh.. he's alright I think? He's back in London resting" Dan said monotonously, which seemed so out of character. Phil's ears perked up when they chose to call Phil to check that he was in fact okay. Phil heard his phone ring and he answered on the first ring. "Dan" he said emotionally, he couldn't help it. They all looked so upset to hear Phil's voice like that, from the frowns on their faces. "Dan, I love you, I love you please come home" he was crying now, he remembered. He remembered almost everything. It was amazing how quickly it just came back to him. He was crying for a very different reason now. He watched Dan on the screen. "Dan, I'm watching Peej's live stream". Dan stared directly into the camera, tears welling up in his eyes. 

"Phil, do you.. do you remember?" He knew they shouldn't be having this conversation so publicly but he couldn't help it. He needed Dan to know how he felt. "Yes" he whispered and watched as Dan shut his eyes. Tears silently falling from them as PJ hugged him tight. The three others on the other side who Phil thought he recognised from the videos he'd watched today as Louise, Chris and Tyler were all close to Dan, huddling close like they were protecting him. "He's on his way now, Phil okay? We're cancelling this live stream to get Dan home!" PJ almost shouted, cancelling the stream leaving Phil feeling lost. What was he to do now? He had about two hours before Dan would actually be home. Phil had a shower and changed into something comfortable, the last time he was this nervous was his wedding day...

WAIT

THATS IT

THATS THE PART HE COULDNT REMEMBER

THE CRASH, HIS AND DAN'S WEDDING DAY


	6. Chapter Six: Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So i'm really sorry that the quality of this fic went down hill so quickly...

Dan looked up at the entrance of the flat. The same place where he and his husband shared together, their new apartment that they had chosen together as their first home as husbands. Gingerly, he opened the door and listened intently for any sound of moving before progressing further into the apartment. No noise was coming from anywhere. It was eerily quiet, Dan had even considered that Phil had left altogether for some reason. He knew this was nothing to be nervous about, Phil said it himself that he watched the live show, he said he remembered the car crash.. so that meant that he had _his_ Phil back. His Phil, who loved house plants and lions and chocolate coffee beans that lead to him buzzing about the place unable to sleep. 

However, Dan was certain Phil would be angry at him. Dan was the one that had managed to get out of the car after it had flipped over, with only a cut and a few scratches here and there. Phil had been trapped after banging his head, left unconscious in the seat beside his own. They had just left their wedding ceremony and were on their way to the airport for their honeymoon in Japan. Dan thought he had lost his husband before their lives together truly even started. When he went to the hospital daily since the accident, it was quite touch-and-go. Phil had been in an induced coma to try and stem any brain swelling. The fact Phil couldn't remember him was truly heartbreaking, he never had wanted to experience something like that. But here he was. His husband ready to be back in his arms.

Dan walked through the door slowly, closing it as quietly as possible as the sound of his few footsteps echoed through the hallway. He inhaled deeply, this was it. 

"Phil, I'm home" he felt the sting of tears prickling as he finally heard footsteps. The quick shuffling from upstairs that instantly turned into what sounded like rain beating down on a glass roof. The raven-haired man was physically running down the stairs, throwing himself into his husbands arms and sobbing loudly. "I'm s-so sorry D-Dan" Phil said, holding as tight as he could, pulling the taller man impossibly closer as he pushed his face into the place it once belonged in the crook of Dan's neck. They were both crying unashamedly as they allowed eachother to simply drink eachother in. It felt like they hadn't seen eachother in decades. The brunette thought his heart had stopped beating altogether. 

After what felt like forever sobbing into each others arms, they slowly made their way towards the kitchen, not letting go of eachother for the entirety of the small journey. Phil had prepared an entire meal in the two hours he had been waiting. They sat down and ate as they talked about everything that was worrying them. Dan still felt like he was to blame for the entire thing, even after Phil's reassurance. They curled up on the sofa and just basked in the new found warmth of being back in each others arms. Phil couldn't blame Dan in the slightest for getting out of the accident virtually unharmed, in fact, it made him happier to know his husband had been safe. 

Dan may still blame himself, but Atleast he had Phil Howelter to help him through it. One day at a time. 


End file.
